My Lady
by blackpond
Summary: Break seeks the ultimate intoxicant and the ability to let go but he doesn't really factor in what that means and what such freedom from inhibitions might entail.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts nor do I hold any rights to it.

It had started with Break in the library one evening, actually doing work for once, when he came across a word that he didn't recognize in a Pandora report. It was the shipping of some contraband and when he looked it up he found it to be a highly intoxicating substance from _that _country. Break had slammed the book shut with a smile on his face.

And thus a plan was born.

The next day Break approached Reim.

"What's Vincar?' He asked just as Reim turned the corner.

The young man jumped dropping several reports in the process.

"Xerxes Break." He said adjusting his glasses before bending down to pick up the reports. "Do not jump out of corners and scare people like that."

"Aw, but it's fun. Keeps things more interesting, wouldn't you agree?"

"No, I would not..." Reim mumbled.

Break bent down and handed Reim the last file.

"Thank you."

"Of course. So, what's Vincar?"

Reim frowned slightly.

"I believe it's an illegal intoxicant from the neighboring country made with the rotted extracts of some flower. Why do you ask? How does it concern you?"

"Oooh, it doesn't really." He sighed out his words. "I was just reading about some smugglers of the stuff in a Pandora report. Apparently one of the smugglers made a contract. "Break shrugged. "So I was just curious."

"Yes, well, is that so? But if you'll excuse me I need to get these reports to Duke Barma as soon as possible."

Break put his arm out, hand touching the other wall as he blocked Reim's way.

"But you know, I'm a bit curious, just where would one go if they wanted to obtain some of this Vincar?"

"Nowhere. It's illegal."

"Mhmm, is that so? But I'm guessing that idiot hair might have some lying about his residence, hmm?"

Reim frowned.

"Am I to take' idiot hair' to mean Duke Barma?"

"Does the man have any?" Break reiterated putting a bit of steel into his voice.

Reim sighed.

"If you are asking me if my Lord has a stash of illegal Vincar in his residence or anywhere on his property I'd say no." Reim said, but then leaning in and in a whisper he added. "However I will not go so far as to say that I have not seen him cavorting with someone who may or may not be an old family friend of the Barma family who specializes in shipments."

Break smiled.

"You ever seen any of these shipments?"

Reim looked around cautiously.

"Perhaps."

"Good, then you know where he stores it?"

"No, that's not what I said. I may handle the transaction but he's the one who goes off and smarts it away so…"

"Well surely you've seen him when he's drunk on the stuff?"

"There may have been times…"

"Get some."

Reim just looked at him.

"What?" Break asked, feigning confusion. "I'll pay you."

Reim sighed.

"I do no need your money, Xerxes. I'd rather have my job."

"I'll do my work for once. No pushing my work off on you for a week. How's that?"

Reim thought for a minute. It had been ages since he had a break and he was falling behind on some of his more base duties at the Barma estate.

"Fine, but you better keep up your end of the deal."

"As long as you keep up yours."

The truth was Reim did have his suspicions about where Barma kept his Vincar which ended with a very pleased Break sitting down with a bottle of the stuff around 1am.

"You did not get this from me." Reim had said as he shoved the bottle at Break.

Break deftly slipped it underneath his jacket. He smiled.

"Oh, don't worry. You won't hear a peep out of me."

Reim was going to leave immediately to distance himself from this act of debauchery but instead he stayed for a minute, eyeing Break.

"Xerxes, why do you want this?"

"Oooh, it's none of your business." Break said, trying to laugh it off.

"There's a reason why this stuff is illegal. It's very potent and prolonged use can result in all sorts of problems down the road…"

"Reim," Break said, a bit more seriously. "It's a onetime thing. I won't be using it repeatedly, so you needn't worry."

Reim almost looked like his worries had been quelled but then he hesitated.

"Is it Lady Sharon?" He asked urgently, his concern deepening. "Because this is very strong and bad for your health. If she's trying to experiment there's much better substances for that. Rum or Vodka perhaps but as small as she is you really should water it down, Xerxes, and if at all possible please discourage her from-"

Break laughed and rested a hand on Reim's shoulder.

"Reim, it is not for Milady. I'd never let her touch the stuff."

"Well, I figured but-" Reim went on and with a few more reassurances Break was free.

Almost.

"Xerxes, where exactly do you intend to drink that stuff?"

"In my room. Why?"

"Well, you just might want to be careful. That stuff is strong. Even you will probably end up getting intoxicated off of it. So you might want to be careful about-"

"Ah, yes. I know. Wouldn't want to end up inebriated and embarrass myself. Yes, I think I understand just fine, Reim. Good day."

"Xerxes," He called after him. "I am serious."

"Oh, now do tell me." Break had said, thrilled. "Did idiot hair do something while under its influence? Hmm? Drunken letters? A late night visit to Sheryl perhaps?"

"No, my Lord did not but-"

Break gasped in shock.

"Wait, Reim, could it be that you are speaking from experience. Hmm."

A blush came to Reim's cheeks.

"No, No not-"

Break just looked at him, lips pursed, head and eyebrow cocked.

"Well," Reim continued. "It's not as if I've never had any but-"

At that moment a young Pandora official came to ask Reim for some approval on documents and so they went their separate ways but Break was all too eager to harass and tease Reim about that later.

But now, now Break was alone sitting at a small table in his room at Pandora, the room dark save some moonlight slanting through the windows and an oil table lamp on his nightstand.

For so long now Break had wanted to, at least once, get awesomely and splendidly intoxicated, to forget himself for once, to not be held hostage and in check by the tension that constantly gripped him. For once he wanted to feel what it was like to be free from the sins of Kevin Legnard and Xerxes Break, to not feel inescapably guilty for the man that he had been and the man that he'd become, to not feel like there was an irreversible stain on him that would never come off no matter how hard he wished that it would. He missed feeling that he was good. Somewhere in there, though he'd never admit it not even to himself, he wished for the ability to look upon Sharon without feeling that he didn't deserve the right to and much less the right to feel anything else he might have felt for her.

He wanted to be able to forget about contracts and chains and red eyes of misfortune and ill omen and the Abyss, just once before he died and was sucked into the Abyss or whatever awaited a man like him. He wanted absolution, atonement but he knew well he wasn't getting anything of the sort so he'd settle for what he could get: one night of exquisite and absolute intoxication, of forgetting even if it was just for a little while. He'd take what he could get.

It was late so he wouldn't have to worry about being disturbed. Tomorrow was the last day of the week, typically a slow one at Pandora. He knew that Sharon was safely in her room and had been there for at least several hours. If he knew her at all she would probably be just about to turn off the light after a night spent reading one of her many romance novels that she loved so much, but that for reasons Break didn't entirely understand, she kept completely out of his sight. He knew she read them so why did she go through so much trouble to hide them?

After seeing that Sharon was indeed safely in her room he went to his own, locked the door (he figured that was enough of a precaution to fend against others and his own ability to leave his room since he did intend to get_ very_ drunk), pulled out the Vincar and a crystal glass and took a seat.

He'd been staring at it for a while, for reasons that once again he didn't entirely understand, noting the deep blue hue of the Vincar that apparently came from the rotted flower that was its primary ingredient.

After a few more moments of silent contemplation he sighed and clapped his hands together.

"Well, now." He said to himself as he took the glass off the bottle neck and clanked it to the table, cracking open the bottle and pouring its contents.

When he was finished he picked up the glass, examining its contents and the little blue bits of what he assumed to be petals floating in it.

"To a little slice of oblivion." He said to himself before downing it and reaching for the bottle yet again.

-M. Palovna


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts nor do I hold any rights to it.

Sharon knew that she should have gone to bed a half-hour ago, but she couldn't stop herself, not when she was so close to the ending.

The minute she put the book down she sighed in contentment.

It was well worth any fatigue that she might feel in the morning.

Already she'd read that particular book 8 times and she found that she never bored of it. It was one of her favorites. She liked that the two main characters, a Marquise and an Earl, who were lovers who indulged in some rather explicit activities with one another though nobody knew, were equals in a way. Scheming, plotting to over throw the current regime, using other people's trials and tribulations for their own amusement, but all the same two equals, participating in a private game of sorts in which neither one was against the other, kind of like a team or an alliance she thought.

She reached over and flicked the oil lamp off and settled down in her bed, hands resting just slightly below her rising and falling chest.

The two main characters, though different, were united in a way that Sharon found very endearing most of all because despite their differences they were still united, connected by something. She couldn't help thinking it was nice.

She wondered what Break was doing at that very moment. She hoped sleeping.

She worried about him sometimes. His not caring for himself worried her. She didn't exactly understand what it was that drove him but she worried sometimes that his objective was going to drive him right into the ground. And she didn't want that.

She sighed softly to herself.

Even after all of this time with him, she still knew so little of him, so little of the man who had called himself Kevin Legnard. She had tried inquiring about it to him on various occasions but each time he had made it very obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, so she left it. Still, sometimes it left her feeling so locked out of a very important part of who he was.

_Does he think I'll judge him?_ She thought. _Because I wouldn't. Maybe I should tell him that._

Her mind stilled on thoughts of Break.

She wondered absently why it was that despite descriptions of the characters appearance she always imagined Break in the Earl's position. It didn't matter how many times the author reiterated that the Earl had black hair and brown eyes all she could see was lavender and red.

And slowly those hands of hers untwined themselves from one another and one of them slipped beneath the covers, lower and lower until her hand hovered between her legs.

Should she really be doing this? She thought.

Isn't this wrong? She thought, but she also thought she didn't really care as she pulled and pushed up the fabric of her white nightgown and slowly slipped off her panties.

She rested one finger on her clitoris and began to rub it and finger it teasingly before getting more serious and urgent.

_Besides_, a part of herself thought, _this maybe the only way you'll ever get touched._

The thought stung as her legs spread more and her speed picked up.

Yes, certainly given up things indeed.

Her contract had been something that she'd wanted, yes, but she also wondered if she'd have made it knowing what she knew now: That she'd be stuck in this state forever, kind of a woman and kind of not, kind of a child, and kind of not, almost acceptable as a woman but society frowned upon it. She may have felt things but it wasn't appropriate so she bit her tongue and read her books and sometimes she had her dark little fantasies and did things like what she was doing now but she never talked about it and she dealt with the fact that the men around her would _never_ look at her in that way. And she pretended that she didn't care about it, but in truth she did. In truth it bothered her. Even though she knew there was no shame in the act she was committing right now, still when she thought that this might be the only thing of that nature that she'd feel, that she would never know what it felt like to lie with a man like the heroines in the novels that she read and the way that every other woman could expect to at some point in her lifetime, it made Sharon want to cry from the sheer lack.

If ever there had been a girl who wanted love it had been Sharon and it pained her to know that it was unlikely that she would ever get it.

She closed her eyes tightly as her breathing picked up and her mouth opened slightly, her body coiling tighter and tighter as her breathing hitched.

She thought of _him_.

She always thought of him.

She'd been in love with him ever since she was a little girl and slowly those feelings had grown into the kind of love that she held for him now and she yearned for him all the while knowing that she'd never have him in the way that she wanted. So she called him Xerxes Nii-san and tried to pretend that her feeling were strictly of the platonic brother and sister variety when she knew it was a lie and sometimes she wondered if he knew it too but was just too polite and so he looked the other way and pretended he didn't see it while all the while it was there.

Sometimes she thought that maybe he felt the same way too.

Sometimes she thought that maybe she was just delusional.

She closed her eyes and thought of him and his perfect lavender hair that she wanted to run her fingers through and his red eye that held a particular kind of charm to her, the empty eye lid that she would kiss oh-so gently, the unclothed body that she would never see, all of that played out behind closed eyes as she imagined that kinds of things that he might do to her if only…

But that would never happen and so she picked up speed and gasped as she felt herself getting closer and closer to the kind of release that she desired, slowly teasing herself almost to the point…just to hold back, only to pick up speed again.

Because that's how her and Break would be, with the teasing and the holding back only to finally let go and…

She took her free hand and rose higher and higher underneath the fabric of her nightgown and grasped her right breast with her left hand, squeezing and massaging, slowly rubbing her thumb across her nipple as she imagined how he might look if her were doing the same to her.

_But my breasts probably wouldn't be enough for him_, she thought to herself as she fell into a rhythm of sorts, alternating between rubbing her nipple and squeezing her breast.

She knew that Break had a…preference for more busty women. He liked breasts. He especially seemed to like breasts that were pushed up and straining against a corset. He seemed to get joy from seeing them squished together. And she couldn't help but notice that, on occasion, he eyed women's breasts in a passing, observationist sort of way. It filled her with jealousy and made her curse her proportionate, but somewhat lacking breasts.

She wondered absently if her breasts would even be enough to fill his hand.

The thought alone of Break fondling her breasts made her breath catch in her throat forcing a hiccupping like sob from her mouth that she just couldn't hold back. She quickly realized that her will-power to hold back was quickly fading as she let go of her breast and reached her free hand above her head to grasp at the headboard as the thought of Break finally mounting her on a cold hard table caused her to come in a suppressed moan that left her mouth gaping, her grip tightening on the headboard as she exploded upward, her knees practically reaching behind her ears as she trembled from the sensation.

She fell back down into her pillow and sheets realizing for the first time how sweaty she'd become. She took a shaky breath and moved her finger a little lower and then into herself, recoiling a little from the touch, as she mentally replaced her finger with the idea of something a good deal longer and wider, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a man inside of her.

_Yet another thing I'll never feel_, she thought as she imagined what Break's…parts might look like.

The few times that she had dared herself to look in that vicinity for any length of time she had not been disappointed with the image his pants bulge brought to mind.

_But I'll never know_, she thought as her finger slowly went in and out, feeling her own tightness and wondering what it would be like to be stretched out by Break's length. She felt herself blush at both the thought and by how wet she had become.

She didn't know why but sometimes she liked to check, to feel her warmth and wetness encircle and contract around her finger, though if she were being quite honest with herself she did feel a certain amount of shame about this.

She retracted her finger and swiftly brought it up to her pert little mouth sucking the taste of herself off her finger before turning over and burying her head in a pillow, thinking about what it would feel like to have a certain man's arms encircling her after this act instead of a few lack luster covers.

Eventually she fell asleep.

-M. Palovna


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Pandora Hearts nor do I hold any rights to it.

Several hours passed by until she heard a very sharp click that woke her up. Startled, immediately she set up as light from the hall first blinded her and receded as the door clicked closed, but she knew she wasn't alone, though she couldn't make out the figure.

"Break, is that you?" She asked into the dark as her hand fumbled around for the cool metal nob of the oil lamp.

She could tell it was Break from the distinctive sound of his shoes padding across the carpet, though it was a little slower than normal, a little more deliberate and determined. What she could not figure out was why he was not answering her. And then, all in a flush, she remembered what she had been doing before she went to sleep and then became suddenly very paranoid that he might be able to smell her sex on her.

She blushed furiously as she inwardly panicked, still trying to find the nob. And why wasn't he answering her?

"Break, is that you?" She asked again, her hand knocking into the cold marble top of her nightstand. "Break, say something!" She commanded.

She waited and fumbled.

Still no response.

"Brea-"

Just as the flame flared to life Sharon felt two long, deft hands entwine themselves into her hair pulling her closer, cradling her head almost, as first warm breath and then lips enveloped her lips, immediately slipping a tongue between them, the tongue slipping around her mouth playing with and teasing her tongue as one hand left her hair and slipped down to the small of her back pulling her closer firmly but gently.

Sharon had instinctually closed her eyes, giving into the sensation before she realized that the light was now on and that she could see.

Her eyes snapped open as the tongue continued to snake around her mouth. She gasped and moaned into the kiss as her hands instinctively went to the shoulders of the light lavender coat.

It was Break and he was kissing her but how could that be?

She thought that maybe she was dreaming given the nature of her activities before falling asleep. But she didn't think that she was.

Break seemed oblivious though as both hands went to her lower back crushing her up against him and lifting her slightly causing her upper body to stretch up towards his. He deepened the kiss as Sharon held onto his shoulders gently. He seemed to be taking his time as he ended it with lightly sucking on her lower lip, pressing kiss after kiss there before sucking it tenderly like her lip was something succulent, meant to be savored.

Break pulled back with a huge smile on his face and Sharon realized that she'd never seen him look so…happy.

She was panting.

"Break I-"

Break just continued smiling, sliding off the bed and pulling back the covers. Break placed a hand on each side of Sharon's hips gripping and turning her so that her legs were dangling off the edge of her bed.

Sharon was paralyzed.

Break knelt down before her, his hands still resting suggestively on her hips before moving down to her thighs, brushing the inner part, before finally resting on her hands which were resting on her lap. He took them in his own and patted them slightly before raising them up to his lips and kissing them. He looked up at her, smiled as he kissed and mouthed and sucked on her fingers.

Sharon's cheeks were burning.

"Break, I don't under-"

Break smiled a beautiful broad smile as he settled her hands back on her lap and covered them with his own.

"-stand." She finished as she looked at the image of his hands covering hers.

She thought that it was a nice image.

Her eyes flickered to Break who had a wondrous look in his eyes, just staring at her. His smile widened to a laugh and his eyes went squinty.

"Milady." He said laughing.

"Uh, yes?" she said.

"Milady, Milady, My Lady." He shook his head back and forth, laughing to the point where his voice was hitting that wheezing lilting tone that sounded a little strained and cracked that she loved to hear when he laughed.

He had a great laugh.

And he had a great voice and she thought in that moment that she really did love him, that he really was so lovely.

"My Lady." He said laughing like it was the only word he knew, like it just made him so happy to say it. "_My__ Lady_." He said putting an emphasis on the "My" part.

His laughing slowed and he looked up at her, really looked at her.

"_My_ Lady." He said in a whisper.

Sharon shook her head as if trying to clear her head.

"Break, are you drunk?"

He didn't smell drunk per-se.

Mostly he smelled like flowers, a bunch of fresh cut flowers.

She thought of Break rolling around in the Pandora gardens in his current state and had to stifle a giggle.

Break didn't appear to notice. In fact between his staring and the sudden silence that permeated the room Sharon wasn't sure what to expect, or say.

So she waited.

And Break, Break stared and stared and then he sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly as Sharon swallowed. His eyes swept from her eyes to her lips, down to her chin and neck and throat until eventually his gaze stopped at Sharon's creamy barely visible chest, covered as it was by the nightgown's fabric. Break slowly and methodically, with deft capable hands and long eloquent finger tips undid the bow of the ribbon that was laced all along the top part of her gown causing it to bunch about her shoulders and cover her chest. He undid that bow and pulled the ribbon from its holes and let it drop to the floor as he went to undo the pearly white rounded buttons that went down the front of her gown and stopped just below the ribcage. He undid those buttons and Sharon remained deathly still as he did so, pushing aside the flap of fabric when he was finished and reaching carefully in to pull out one of her breasts, her left, so that he could better see it.

The cold night air hit it and Sharon had half a mind to pull away, thinking of how pathetic her breast looked like this, cold and her nipple nothing but an insubstantial bump looking slightly shriveled from the cool air.

She thinks that he must be disappointed, that he can't possibly like this, and she's looking down at him thinking all of this as he stares enraptured at her breast.

He runs his thumb over her nipple and she shivers.

And before she can pull away or say anything his mouth is wrapped around her nipple, mouthing and sucking and gnawing as his eye flickers up to hers and remains on hers as he continues, his other hand stroking the inside of her thigh slightly before moving to her other breast, not bothering to take it out but instead squeezing it and thumbing her nipple under the warm cover of her nightgown, all the while his one eye watching her; her face, her expressions, her attempts to stifle her moans, her eyes. His one eye watched her as he continued to suck and kiss her breast. His other hand, the one that had been on her breast, leaves it and disappears and just when Sharon starts to wonder where exactly it went she feels her nightgown's skirt move and rustle as Break reaches up underneath it, touching the patch of hair there reverently before one of his fingers, much longer than her own and able to reach much further than hers ever had, slipped in while his thumb worked away at her clitoris.

She moaned out his name as he continued watching her.

She'd never experienced this before and it shocked her just how incredible it felt. You could do these things to yourself but it felt nothing like having the person that you loved doing it to you.

"Break, um, Break are you sure you w-" Her voice was lost as he picked up speed and pulled his mouth back kissing the tip of her nipple just to envelop it again with that warm perfect mouth of his.

His right hand still held her hands perfectly in place on her knee.

She tried to keep control, unsure if this was right especially since she was pretty sure that he was drunk and would probably regret this in the morning but a part of her didn't care.

Her hips stated to rock and her breathing became ragged and desperate as little soft stifled moans started to escape from her lips and she started saying Break's name softly under her breath.

She felt his lips form a smile on her breast as he cleverly slipped another finger into her and she realized just how wet she had become. She had never gotten this wet by herself. And with his two long fingers in her she felt him touch a place in herself deeper than she'd ever felt and it felt really good and she also became aware of just how _huge _his two fingers felt to her and her head went to the thought of just how much more huge something else might feel to her if it were in her and the imagined sensation of pain and pleasure almost overwhelmed her as Break let go of her hands and slid his free hand behind the small of her back.

With her hands now free to do with as she pleased she carefully buried them in Break's lavender hair, careful not to pull him or yank his hair too hard.

Between what Break was doing, him watching her and the combined sensations of sitting up and feeling herself contracting and convulsing around something that was _him _she suddenly lost her grip and came with a terribly concealed moan that broke off into a sob that softly rang out in her silent room.

He continued his sucking and kissing and gnawing but after Sharon had finished trembling he removed his fingers from her and wrapped both his arms around her waist, half-hugging her as he continued sucking her breast.

Her legs remained slightly open and to either side of his waist. Her hands were still buried in his hair and her wrists were pressed to the back of his neck.

She was happy and she thought that with the continued sensation of him sucking on her breast she might come again. She knew that he was still looking up at her with that red eye of his but she avoided looking at him because she figured that staring off at the door might be the best way to keep her from coming yet again and because she felt that what she had just allowed Break to do to her had to be wrong since she was pretty sure that he had to be intoxicated and would not have done this had he been in his right mind.

So she avoided eye contact as she looked off into the distance with what she was sure had to have been a disheveled look of shock on her face.

She'd never felt so happy or guilty in her entire life and she was a little mortified at herself for taking advantage of this situation so readily.

As Break kissed and sucked and mouthed and gnawed playfully at her breast, as if her breast was the only thing that mattered, she couldn't help but turn her head to look down at him there because she had to admit, it was a sight that she really liked to see. And then as their eyes locked, his teeth carefully grazing her sensitive skin as he barely applied pressure, she felt a rush of warm breath from his nose as she felt a smile form against her skin that quickly gave way to a laugh.

He pulled away and his laugh deepened.

"Break I-"

"_My_ Lady." He said, resting his head weakly on her chest.

Her hands fell away from his hair as she studied him.

"Break."

His laugh grew as he looked up at her with such a strangely innocent and yet wanton look.

He reached out and took hold of her two breasts, cupping them and kissing them both before nestling his face in them. Once again his mouth lingered on the left one, as he mouthed it passionately, eye flickering up at her with an almost childlike expression that made her start again.

He started laughing, and within this last laugh Sharon heard a sort of brokenness in it that chipped away at her own heart.

"My Lady, My lady, My Lady…" His head fell from her chest until eventually his head rested on her lap, arms around her hips, hugging her to him tightly as if he were afraid to let go but also afraid that she might break.

She looked down at him, her mouth slightly open.

He was mumbling something that she couldn't make out and gripping her tighter and tighter. His face was buried in the cloth of her nightgown and she could feel the moist heat and then coolness of his breath as he breathed in and out. He turned his head so that he could breathe in some air but his laughing fit just picked up momentum and so once again his head turned to the cloth of her nightgown, his face this time much more intimately pressed between her legs.

She blushed shamefully at the thought that he might be able to smell her and felt both embarrassed and excited by the idea.

Her hands wrapped around his head, her fingers entwined in his hair and she carefully cradled him to her chest longing to do….something.

To kiss him, offer up her breasts to him, force him to the ground and make sweet, uninhibited love to him. She wanted to give him something of herself just as he'd done to her. But she wasn't sure where to begin and inwardly she worried that it was just her own selfish desires peeking through.

What she really wanted to do was to heal the brokenness in him, to seal away the hurt which seemed to plague him, but she wasn't sure where to start. She wasn't entirely sure if she could.

She knew that Break carried around with him a huge burden that she didn't entirely understand and she knew that Break held himself responsible for too many things and pushed too hard and tried to take too much on as if attempting to make up for something.

Sometimes it seemed like he hated himself or was trying to punish himself for something. Sometimes it was like he was using his body like some sort of shield and was just daring the fates to strike him down. Sometimes it felt like he didn't care about himself in the slightest.

She didn't understand it and though there had been times that she'd tried to bridge that gap between who he was now and who he had been before, he never allowed it to happen and it hurt her.

She wanted to help him. She wanted to be of use to him but all she could do was hold him and cradle his head and suddenly she realized that his fragmented laughter had given way to something else.

Sobs rocked his entire body and tears soaked her gown and when he finally looked up she gasped at the look on his face. It was a look she had never seen there before: He looked defeated and dejected; tears were running out of both eyes, even the empty eye socket.

"_Mine_." He said in a thunderous voice that belied his looks as he reached up and fingered her lips, one finger dipping in her mouth quickly as if to wet it before allowing it to slowly trace down her chin and her neck to encircle one of her nipples.

He slowly traced and rubbed that nipple, watching it with interest and meaning and lust and he stopped and his eye met Sharon's.

"I want something that is mine and mine alone, and that can never be taken from me. Sharon, I'm deathly afraid of losing you. I want to _protect you_." His eye clouded over with tears. "I'm so afraid of losing you. I don't-" His voice failed him with a hic-up. "I don't want you to go away. I don't want to lose things anymore."

Her eyes widened. She was on the verge of tears herself.

"Break, Break!" She breathed, curving her body towards his and lifting his chin so that she could look him in the eye. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I'll never leave you. I promise Xerxes Nii-san. I promise." She silently reproached herself for using that childish way to refer to him.

If ever there was a time to be truthful it was now.

"Break, I-I love you."

He smiled softly.

"I love you, too, Sharon." He kissed her breasts before slumping down, his head turned on her lap but his arms still wrapped possessively around her waist.

She stroked his hair.

"My Sharon." He growled out fiercely before tightening his grip.

She sat there for a long time stroking his hair.

Eventually his ragged breath had become slow and even and she realized that he was asleep.

"Break." She whispered. "Break!"

He didn't stir and she leaned back to see his peacefully sleeping face.

She stayed like that for a long time, enjoying the feeling of the weight of his head on her lap, the pure, undiluted joy of him sleeping on her lap. For some reason it made her extremely happy that he'd fallen asleep on her lap, like he felt safe there. She savored the feeling of his surprisingly silky hair sliding between her fingers.

Eventually she leaned down and kissed his head, taking in the sweet seductive scent of his head, savoring it.

Eventually she realized that it was late and she really ought to sleep a little.

She grabbed a pillow and a blanket from her bed and haphazardly arranged Break so that he was on the floor sleeping, pillow under his head and blanket tucked around him. It had taken some effort on her part though as she was not a particularly strong young woman when it came to upper body strength and Break, though not exactly a heavy man, was still much too heavy for her and also not in any position to help her.

When she'd felt that she'd arranged him properly she'd kissed him on the forehead and jumped onto her own bed pulling the covers over her. She went to bed with a smile on her lips thinking of all that had taken place and also all of the times that Break had teased Gilbert for being such a weepy and unpredictable drunk. If only he could've seen himself.

She knew that she loved him all the more for it.

The next morning Sharon got up and went about the process of preparing herself for the day.

When Break woke up, sitting straight up, hair mussed and a dazed expression on his face as he absently ran a hand through his hair, she informed him that she had been restless and not able to get to sleep on her own and he had been so kind as to offer to stay up with her and talk to her while she waited to get sleepy.

Break had looked at her like he didn't entirely believe her but there was a precedent. It had happened before, and he didn't seem too inclined to argue so he let it go and accepted it without a fight. The incident was never spoken of again even though they both seemed to know that something more had gone on that night.

Break seemed content to let it lie fallow and they had breakfast on the balcony off of her room like they always did when they were at Pandora.

Everything was fine.

They laughed and talked just like always though Break did seem a little groggy and slightly sensitive to light and sound if his squinting eye and requests throughout the day that people not yell at him were any giveaways.

As she watched him drinking his tea that morning and digging into a slice of chocolate cake she smiled, though it did hurt slightly to look the other way, once again pretending that their relationship was nothing, just a brotherly and sisterly kind of affection, strictly platonic. But it did help some knowing that, deep down, that maybe he did love her, maybe it wasn't all just in her head. And the memory of that night was one that she'd always treasure and she was happy because she felt that she had seen and come to understand a part of him that before had always been closed off to her.

And she also knew, even though she would feign innocence and look the other way, because that was easier for him, because that's what he wanted and needed from her, that she really did truly love him and because of this she would be his and she would stay by his side and she would do her damnedest to keep her promise that he would never lose her.

She would die with him if she had to.

And if he ever came apart she would be there, by his side, putting him back together again, because she loved him and that was what you did when you loved someone, you stayed by their side no matter what, you kept your promises and you did the things you had to for their sake.

And so she'd smile and she'd laugh and she'd talk like nothing had changed and everything was fine, because after all she knew where her priorities were, and they were with him.

-M. Palovna


End file.
